Official National Mourning

Waves and waves of inconsolable grief have washed over the Federal workforce in the wake of the death of former president Gerald Ford. So sharp and profound is the feeling of desolation among the troops of the bureaucracy that most of the gummint, including the post office, is closed today.

We can only hope that extra traffic police are on duty today to deal with the congestion around the various memorial services that all these coffee-break-takers will be attending. The sense of dislocation that attends the extension of their holiday weekend by an extra day must also be taken into account. No doubt, many thousands of grief counselors will be working overtime today, talking the civil-service folk through the process of finding renewed meaning for their lives in the absence of Gerald Ford.

Ah, the oceans of tears being shed today! The uncountable waves of gut-wrenching grief! Ah, the humanity! You and I should be humbly proud to do our part for our public masters servants by paying them for yet another day of no work.