Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Obligatory bin Laden Post

Better late than never, I hope. The assassins have done their work, wet though it was; as wet as OBL's putative oceanic grave. My countrymen have rejoiced with barbaric ardor over the murder, as if the Five Minutes' Hate had ended climactically with the slaughter of Goldstein. You Ess Ay! You Ess Ay! Exactly.

Do you suppose it's too late for me to be a real, patriotic American by getting myself some commemoratives?
Thousands of items of memorabilia celebrating the death of Osama Bin Laden are being sold on the internet.

Examples include a key ring bearing the face of the al-Qaeda leader, framed in the cross-hairs of a gun, with the words "Osama Bin Killed".

There are mugs plastered with Bin Laden's face and the word "Dead" across it.

There is even an item of baby's clothing sporting the sentence: "I
killed Osama."

California-based Zazzle says it has sold "tens of thousands" of these types of products online, for between $15 (£10) and $40, since Sunday.
Zazzle Nation: that's us. Outstanding.

Well, there's plenty of time for me to consider the acquisition of some cheap OBL merchandise. After all, here it is, almost ten years after The Holy Nine-Eleven, and I have yet to get so much as a radio-antenna flag, or a yellow magnetic Support the Troops ribbon. There's no need to rush into these things. Prices are bound to fall with time. As the old folks used to say, everything comes to the man who can wait.

Besides, there's something else on my mind. It seems that one Rashard Mendenhall, a gladiator for the Pittsburgh Steelers of the National Football Lockout League, became a surrogate for the unlamented Goldstein by performing some Non-Steelers-Approved Tweeting. Here are some of his more-outrageous and unAmerican tweets:
"What kind of person celebrates death? It's amazing how people can HATE a man they have never even heard speak. We've only heard one side...

"@dkeller23 We'll never know what really happened. I just have a hard time believing a plane could take a skyscraper down demolition style

"I believe in God. I believe we're ALL his children. And I believe HE is the ONE and ONLY judge.

"Those who judge others, will also be judged themselves.

"For those of you who said you want to see Bin Laden burn in hell and piss on his ashes, I ask how would God feel about your heart?

"There is not an ignorant bone in my body. I just encourage you to #think"
You know, I am such a lowlife, low-rent, commie terrorist scum ... I scanned Mr. Mendenhall's CriminalTweets again and again, and couldn't find a single thing to get outraged about. I mean, I can quibble about the details: I'm not especially skeptical about the plausibility of a skyscraper's fall being precipitated by the impact of a large aircraft, and the subsequent fire; and I'm in no position to pretend to know whether Mr. Mendenhall's body contains an ignorant bone, or not. But on the whole, the man was writing things that are so obviously true that I could criticize them only on the basis that they're platitudinous. I guess if I were a better American-style Christian, I too could wax ecstatic over the murder of a stranger, and could ardently hope to see that stranger burn in Hell, and lust to micturate upon his ashes. But as it is ... I am but scum.

Rashard, from one scum to another: well said, brother!


Mimi said...

And well-written, Jim. I'm delighted to read you back, although the subject matter is deplorable. Nothing makes me so positive the country is crumbling as this jubilation over a clearly extra-judicial murder. Woe is us...

Jim Wetzel said...

Yes, it's not only evil, it's also depressingly childish.

Thanks for checking in on this dusty, idle non-blog. I think I'm back off my apathy vacation. Time will tell, I suppose. It's always great to hear from you, though!