The dirty Musselman plot to desecrate the only sacred spot in America, that is: the holy Ground 0. Since this is what we're all supposed to be up in arms about, ignoring the fact that we're being governed by an enormous criminal gang, why shouldn't I go along? I can offer a simple solution to this gut-wrenching conflict.
Let the star-and-crescent folks build their Islamic whatever-it-is on their lawful property, a few blocks from the spiritual center of American self-pity. Meanwhile, let all the real, red-blooded Americans build a pure expression of American faith and culture on the site itself. And what, you ask, would that be, especially since the glorious "Freedom Tower" seems to be going nowhere fast? Glad you asked. How about a NASCAR-themed multimedia sound stage containing a massage parlor, a topless Wal-mart, an all-NFL sports bar, and the Life Dynamics Worship Center set for a new reality show, "Your Best Life Now With Big Brother." It could be called something like, oh ... Citibank Presents the Support the Troops AmericaCenter.
After all, aren't we the greatest country in the world? A great, big, strong country doesn't go around trying to shut everyone else up. No, it's strong and confident and simply puts itself up for comparison, knowing that the marketplace will crown it the winner. Why, I bet, after a few months, that Moooos-lim whatever-it-is will be empty. All the jihadis'll be over at the Center, cruising the babes and celebrating American Freedom. Yay!!!