Thursday, October 06, 2005

It Speaks. Oh, Yes, It Speaks.

Well, well, folks. Just lookie here. Chimpy's been chittering again.

Many accuse Dear Leader of "cronyism," of filling government positions with incompetent sycophants who've provided The Great Man with agreeable company, flattery, boozing companionship, nose candy, whatever. I haven't much cared, truth to tell; to the extent that we must live under tyrants, I suppose I'd generally prefer that they were motivated by simple greed or the quest for pharmacological bliss, instead of the direct pleasures of exerting power over their subjects. A buffoon may sprawl, scratching himself and belching, in the seat of power; but at least he's usually less efficient, and less wholehearted, than a True Believer. But after hearing radio excerpts of the Wee Emperor's remarks today, and then having read them at the above link, I do wish he'd either hire a sane speechwriter, or that he'd just shut the hell up. The latter, tragically, is far too much to hope for.

Who put these words in his mouth?

The terrorists regard Iraq as the central front in their war against humanity.

Now, say what you will about "terrorists" (that is, men who bomb innocent people without the benefit of aircraft or automated, target-seeking bombs, and who don't wear snappy uniforms). But who regards himself as being at war "against humanity?" Does Gee-Dub's Minion of the Word Processor think we're all completely stupid?

Oh, wait ... we are still voting for major-brand candidates, aren't we? Uh, just never mind that question. Instead, hearken as Dear Leader tells us what a crazy fanatic Osama bin Laden is:

Bin Laden has stated: "The whole world is watching this war and the two adversaries. It's either victory and glory, or misery and humiliation."

This in the same speech in which Our Glorious Wartime Prez declares:

We will never back down, never give in, and never accept anything less than complete victory.

So, if OBL's a maniac (and he may well be), what does that make Smirk? His indispensable ally, that's what. But if bin Laden thinks that our synthetic Tough Texan is finished with him, why, he has another think coming. Dubya has that despicable ex-Saudi coward all figured out:

Bin Laden says his own role is to tell Muslims, quote, "what is good for them and what is not." And what this man who grew up in wealth and privilege considers good for poor Muslims is that they become killers and suicide bombers. He assures them that his -- that this is the road to paradise -- though he never offers to go along for the ride.

Yes, bin Laden's hypocritical personal cowardice stands in stark contrast to the well-proven valor of our Chickenhawk-in-Chief -- that battle-scarred veteran of the Texas skies during the Viet Cong assault on Dallas. When the chips are down, when danger threatens, our Prez doesn't merely order others to run at top speed for the safety of an undisclosed SAC base in Nebraska somewhere. Oh, no ... George the Lionhearted leads from the front! He hits that undisclosed secure location first. He has to make sure it's safe for the rest of us, don't you know.

I'm recalling the days of the Clinton junta, in which I thought that maybe God was inflicting Bubba-of-the-Hair-Spray on America as a disciplinary measure for our sin and decadence. And really, I still think that. But it's just such a shame that, after eight years of Clintonista rule, we didn't get the divine message. Now, it seems to me, God has punished us even more severely, by visiting Chimpy upon us for another eight. We'd better straighten up and fly right before 2008. Who knows what sort of evil clown could be awaiting us then?

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