Today marks the solemnity and festivity of the Glorious Reinstallation of our Dread Imperial Sovereign, George II. His single moment of accountability has come and gone, and he has withstood it. So now, for the next four years at least, none shall hold him accountable by any means. O glorious day!
This seems like a good time to open that symbolic Bible, on which The Mighty and Unaccountable One, the Scourge of Turr'r, will rest his powerful hand at the moment of oathtaking. Let's open it to the Old Testament, to 1 Samuel chapter 8. In the interest of brevity, we'll excerpt from that chapter:
Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah; and they said to him, "Behold, you have grown old, and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint a king for us to judge us like all the nations." But the thing was displeasing in the sight of Samuel when they said, "Give us a king to judge us." And Samuel prayed to the Lord. And the Lord said to Samuel, "Listen to the voice of the people in regard to all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them. Like all the deeds which they have done since the day that I brought them up from Egypt even to this day -- in that they have forsaken Me and served other gods -- so they are doing to you also. Now then, listen to their voice; however, you shall solemnly warn them and tell them of the procedure of the king who will reign over them."
So Samuel spoke all the words of the Lord to the people who had asked him for a king. And he said, "This will be the procedure of the king who will reign over you: he will take your sons and place them for himself in his chariots and among his horsemen and they will run before his chariots. And he will appoint for himself commanders of thousands and of fifties, and some to do his plowing and to reap his harvest and to make his weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will also take your daughters for perfumers and cooks and bakers. And he will take the best of your fields and your vineyards and your olive groves, and give them to his servants. And he will take a tenth of your seed and of your vineyards, and give to his officers and to his servants. He will also take your male servants and your female servants and your best young men and your donkeys, and use them for his work. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his servants. Then you will cry out in that day because of your king whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the Lord will not answer you in that day."
Nevertheless, the people refused to listen to the voice of Samuel, and they said, "No, but there shall be a king over us, that we may also be like all the nations, that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight all our battles."
Wow. That is truly remarkable. Maybe George the Wee Emperor really is God's man for America. Surely he has fulfilled the prophecy.
On the other hand, I have not the slightest doubt that, had the bellicose Senator Kerry wrested the imperial purple from Bush the Younger, he too would have fulfilled the prophecy ... and seamlessly, too. With perfect continuity. Oh, how blessed are we, the fortunate sons and daughters of Democracy!
And now, I must go. I seem to have some chariot equipment to make. And my overseers are notoriously uninterested in excuses.