Two Cheers For the New Money

We have the "new nickel" ...










and the new dollar coins ...














and now ... the new $5 bill.








And it's all good with me. It's a limited sort of truth-in-advertising. I mean, if it's going to be worth about as much as Monopoly money, it might as well look like Monopoly money.














Anybody want to buy Virginia Avenue?

A Quick Stroll Down Memory Lane

Remember when the Soviet Empire was perpetually strapped for what were referred to as "hard currencies?" Remember when "hard currency" prominently meant the U.S. dollar?

Those were the days ...

VIENNA, Austria (AP) — Oil prices topped $109 a barrel for the first time Tuesday as investors sought refuge from the anemic dollar.

Speculation that rising prices for oil and other commodities will offset the falling dollar has driven oil up from $87 a barrel in January. Oil's latest rise came as the International Energy Agency said crude prices will likely be underpinned by brisk demand in China and other emerging markets.

Look, I know my fellow Americans don't care much about wogs' lives. When it comes right down to it, my fellow Americans don't care much about their fellow Americans' lives, either, unless they happen to be blood relatives or close friends. But maybe, just maybe, as gas heads for the $4 mark and real incomes continue to drop, Americans might have a passing thought or two about all the dollars -- borrowed from Asian bankers -- that have been flushed down the Empire's murderous overseas ratholes.

Or maybe not. Just as it's treasonous to wonder whether Imperial foreign policy is related to "why they hate us," I'm sure that any possible connection between that policy and "why they're not too crazy about our wastepaper currency, either" will also be quite unthinkable.

Spring Forward ...

As I was leaving the Y this morning, a few minutes before seven, I saw that the sky was sort of a deep blue color rather than the usual black. There was obvious danger that the Yellow Face ("it burns us, Preciousssss!") might soon be in sight. Well, Sunday's return to BDDST (Bitch Daniels Daylight Stupidity Time) will protect me from that ... I can go on being a morning cave-dwelling blind fish for the rest of the year.

Here, Your Worshipfulness Governor D., let me show you to your very own spot against the Wall. Care for a blindfold, Your Semi-Adequacy? No? Well, then, just watch those nice men over there who are pointing those long tubes at you, and wait for your surprise ...

Monsters Among Us

So, is Sen. Clinton really a "monster?" Former Obama adviser Samantha Power apparently thinks so, but I think maybe she's being unfair. It all depends on context, you see. In a group of normal, non-criminal, working Americanos, obviously she's a monster: willing and eager to rob her fellow citizens and kill many swarthy foreigners "from day one," as she likes to say of herself. But, as a "viable" candidate for the U.S. presidency in 2008, her monstrous tendencies totally fail to distinguish her from the rest of the Crowd of Three. They are all pretty horrible.

Mommy! Listen to the Funny Man Talk!

Chimp wisdom:

The package, recently passed by Congress, includes rebate cheques of $600 for individuals, $1,200 for couples, plus $300 each for dependent children for all but the very richest US citizens.

"We expect they will use it to boost consumer spending and that will spur job creation as well," he said.

Mr Bush had earlier said that "it's clear our economy has slowed".

He added: "Losing a job is painful and I know Americans are concerned about our economy."

"I know this is a difficult time for our economy," he said. "But we recognised the problem early and we provided the economy with a booster shot."

Besides, you know, there's always plenty of jobs available in the Army and the Marine Corps and various other gang-related enterprises.

Monument to a Tyrant

Whew! That was close:

Less than a month after the planned launch of a yearlong local celebration marking what would have been Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday in 2009, Lincoln Foundation officials announced Monday the Lincoln Museum will close to the public effective June 30.

As a result of the closure, 79 historical items in the museum's collection will be displayed elsewhere and may be divided among more than one location.

Somehow, I'm sure that we will still hear enough extravagant and historically illiterate praise of the übertyrant to turn the strongest stomach. But perhaps there'll be less of it in this local area now, with a collection of relics of the true Worst President Ever having left town.

See you later, Dishonest Abe. Don't let the doorknob hit you in the ass on your way out.